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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28650909">an intense feeling of deep affection</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Underthegallowws/pseuds/Underthegallowws'>Underthegallowws</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Teen Wolf (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>M/M, Welcome in Theo's head, angsty thinking</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 13:47:59</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,216</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28650909</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Underthegallowws/pseuds/Underthegallowws</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>“I love you”, Liam says, between two laughs, and it’s the most terrible thing Theo has ever heard.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Liam Dunbar/Theo Raeken</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>70</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>an intense feeling of deep affection</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>“I love you”, Liam says, between two laughs, and it’s the most terrible thing Theo has ever heard.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He might have fought for years, scheming to get what he wanted, what he needed, manipulating people to find his success in their demise, but nothing could have prepared him for such a simple surrender. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I love you.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Three words, two names and a verb, that make the earth stop spinning. His heart leaves his chest. It’s a key to another world, a knife given to him like a gift he could use to rip into Liam’s soul.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I love you.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Liam offers himself to Theo, like it’s nothing, like it makes sense, like he trusts Theo to take to catch him. Liam forfeits with a smile, stops the battle and changes the cards. He gives himself up, with no fear, and no doubts, showing his genuine belief that Theo has the means to handle the situation. But Theo shouldn’t be trusted with such a fragile thing. Because Theo is not good at taking care of anything, at holding something close, at protecting and cherishing. He wasn’t made for such a task. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span><em>"I love you"</em>, Liam had said.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And Theo doesn’t deserve to be trusted with a life that isn’t his own. He doesn’t deserve to be given a choice. He doesn’t know what to say, or how to refuse, because how is he supposed to, when Liam looks so carefree, so full of the humanity Theo has fought against for so long?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I love you.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It’s such a mundane thing, words that are said every single second of the day by millions of people, and it shouldn’t break Theo, but it does, and he can’t help it. He feels himself freezing, and his first instinct is not even to try to take control of the situation. He should probably try to use this, try to use this secret that isn’t one, but it isn’t his first thought anymore. He has changed, evolved, and the scars on his soul are darker than people might think. He doesn’t say a word, as Liam looks at him expectantly, surely hoping for a revelation, or at least the confession of a shared feeling. How can he not see, sense, and feel that Theo is too far away from reality to even consider returning the sentence? </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I. Love. You.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>How can it sound so true when Theo knows it’s only something Liam didn’t think about, didn’t try to keep under control? Liam never does. He is so easy to read, sometimes, and Theo would be lying if he said that he didn’t notice a change. Still, there is a gap between feeling, and acknowledging the shift in their relationship. He tries to tell himself that it’s a mistake, and that Liam probably meant something else, but the words are still hanging in the air, and he can’t breathe. He believes them a little bit too much, and it scares him a little bit too hard.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I love you?</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Liam probably didn’t even mean to say it. In a few seconds, he is going to laugh about it, or to ignore it, just like he ignores the fact that they seem to be friends now, and that they spend most of their waking hours together. It doesn’t have to mean anything, because if it did, Theo would probably have a heart attack over it. His brain is shattering, trying to make sense of it all, trying to offer him a solution that would allow him to maintain the situation as it is. He used to be good at finding the perfect answer in a heartbeat. But when it comes to Liam, he doesn’t have that power anymore. Or any power, in fact.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I love you.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It’s hard not to think about it, not to think about everything these words could bring him. It’s getting harder every single day, dealing with Liam, and what he brings to him. But until today, until the words were pronounced in a breathless gasp, instead of hanging in the unsaid air, Theo was able to find excuses. He isn’t sure he can, anymore.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“<em>I love you</em>”, Liam says, and it breaks Theo’s heart because he knows it’s his cue to leave. “<em>I love you</em>”, is already too much, and he can’t bear the responsibility that comes with holding someone’s heart in his hands anymore. “I love you”, and his world starts spinning again, as he escapes as fast as he can, silent, and unresponsive. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“<em>I love you</em>”, he can still hear, in the air around him, as he walks into the forest, ready to lose himself in the calm sweetness of the night.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The worst part is that he would probably have been fine, had he controled himself, had he kept his distance. But Liam, with his witty attitude, his smiles and his frowns, his laugh and his eyes, has been his demise. Like a moth attracted by a flame, he has flown closer and closer, until the spark of three words ignated his words. The wings he has worked so hard on growing are now burning, taking with them the world he has built for months. Everything he has done, all the progress he has made, everything has to be forgotten and put aside, because Theo can’t have anyone break him this way.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“<em>I love you too.</em>” He could have answered, without lying, if he was honest, and if he could accept the feelings inside his chest for what they are, the butterflies at the tip of his fingers, and the shortness in his breath every time he looks at Liam. “<em>I love you too</em>.” would have been the smallest of hopes for him, and the damnation of Liam’s future. “<em>I love you too.</em>” would have opened a door to so much more, possibilities behind his wildest dreams, and responsibilities over someone who deserves a happy ending, a fairytale. Theo would have done his best. He would have, but...</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But it is too soon, or maybe it is too late, and Theo just steps into the darkness one more time, wishing he had never let himself fall for a soul that he already hurt too much. If protecting means leaving, then Theo’s choice has been stolen from him, because there is no world, no possible outcome in which he accepts the damage he could do to Liam’s soul. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He is not ready to take that risk, and he probably never will. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span><strong>I</strong> (</span>
  <em>
    <span>Liam</span>
  </em>
  <span>)</span>
</p><p>
  <span><strong>Love</strong> (</span>
  <em>
    <span>An intense feeling of deep affection</span>
  </em>
  <span>)</span>
</p><p>
  <span><strong>You</strong> (</span>
  <em>
    <span>Theo</span>
  </em>
  <span>)</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Three words that should have never occured in the same sentence. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span><strong>I</strong> (</span>
  <em>
    <span>Theo</span>
  </em>
  <span>)</span>
</p><p>
  <span><strong>Love</strong> (</span>
  <em>
    <span>An intense feeling of deep affection</span>
  </em>
  <span>)</span>
</p><p>
  <span><strong>You</strong> (</span>
  <em>
    <span>Liam</span>
  </em>
  <span>)</span>
</p><p>
  <span><em><strong>Too</strong></em> (</span>
  <em>
    <span>Shared feeling</span>
  </em>
  <span>)</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Four words confined in one of the chambers of his heart, far away from the person he couldn’t bear to wound. And in the self-sacrifice of his own pursuit of happiness, Theo feels confident he made the right choice. Because he loves Liam more than Liam could ever love him, and he is gifting him the possibility of the right choice. A choice that isn’t Theo, a choice that could never be Theo. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And if he has to walk alone for the rest of his life, then it is the sentence he condemns himself to. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He deserves it, after all.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>So this came to life as I was working on translations and words, and it's mainly for my own entertainment, and understanding of what could happen in Theo's head. I just posted it because I thought maybe some people would enjoy it.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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